Difficult Times

My son who has been back for the past 4 weeks will be going back to South Africa with his mother tomorrow night. He has grown and matured so much since he was last in KL a year ago. I will miss him dearly. I have not spent as much time as I would have liked to while he was in KL due to many reasons, some work, and others personal.

Let me tell you that it is extremely difficult to understand the goings on in my own heart (I cannot understand it either). On one hand, I would have liked to have spent every minute I could have with him. On the other hand, my heart breaks everytime he leaves, and this has caused me, to in a small way distance myself. It is a sad state of affairs. I know it is silly, but it is the way I feel. I cannot help it.

Benjamin is 6. He lives with his mother who is lives with her new mate in Johannesburg. To be honest, I am very glad that Ben has had this opportunity to live abroad, to learn and experience life otherwise alien to him if he was stuck here in KL. The tradeoff is that I do not get to see him very often. I missed his first bike ride, his first swim without his floaters and much more. It hurts to think that I missed these fatherly duties, but remain proud, as any father would, that he has grown. Kudos to Martin and Asha! He is trully a remarkable kid. Polite and well behaved. Eats all his vegetables to! Sigh.. how I will miss the little tyke.

The goodnews is; Asha plans to visit again during Christmas. I hope it all goes well and as planned.

I love him. And he will always remain in my heart.